Numb
by princess-of-queens
Summary: I can honestly say that I had never been scared. I had never felt the need to feel that emotion. After all, I had been fighting since I was young. I have seen my mate, my friends, and my brothers fall to the hands of the Decepticons...


Universe: Transformers Movies- Michael Bay- DOTM

Rating: G

Genre: Family- Hurt, comfort

Characters (Main): Optimus, Ratchet

Pairing: IronhideXRatchet

Warnings: Sad!

[Complete- part 1 of 1]

* * *

I can honestly say that I had never been scared. I had never felt the need to feel that emotion. After all, I had been fighting since I was young. I have seen my mate, my friends, and my brothers fall to the hands of the Decepticons. You could say that I have grown immune to pain and fear. Truth be told I did not think anything would bother me or upset me ever again. I believed I was numb…..

"Ratchet, my friend, have you seen Bumblebee?" Optimus Prime asked me as I worked on his arm. It was two days after the great battle and things were looking up. Optimus's arm was reattached, but I still need to work on it and fix the wiring. It was only Optimus, Bumblebee, and myself that returned back to NEST, the others stayed to help clean up. We only returned because Optimus needed repairs that I could only fix in my Med-Bay. Bumblebee returned with us just so I could keep an eye on him. After all, no one was affected by all of this more than Bumblebee.

He lost his sire, Ironhide, and Que. AKA Wheeljack. Even though I shared a spark bond with Ironhide, I still thought it was harder on Bumblebee then it was on me. Bumblebee had never been without his daddy. Ironhide was always there for his son, whenever Bumblebee needed him. As for me, I always prepared myself for things like this. Both, me and Ironhide, knew the risks for being bonded while fighting in the war. I always expected the worst. So that when the day came that Ironhide would not return for battle, it would not hurt as bad.

Wheeljack was indeed Bumblebee's uncle, in human terms. I grew up with him and always saw him as a brother. He was my partner in the field for a long time. And once we got older, we worked together in the lad and Med-Bay. He was with Bumblebee just as much as Ironhide and I were.

But that is not the only reason I wanted to watch over him. I worried that when he tackled the pillar's energy forced into his systems would affect him in some way. But, luckily, there were no side effects yet.

"Not sure" I answered Optimus quickly "I think he is in his hanger. Hopefully sleeping, if he needs what's good for him. He needs rest."

"I am sorry Ratchet" Optimus sighed and looked away from me. I straightened up in the chair and cleared my throat. I sat my tool to the side and crossed my arms.

"After all that as happened, you are the one who is sorry?" I tilted my head and cracked a thin frown.

"Yes, I am. If I was faster, if I was smarter Ironhide would still be with us. Wheeljack would still be with us." Optimus looked down at the ground. "And you and Bumblebee would not be without them." To Optimus's surprise and mine…I started laughing. He snorted and shot his head up to look at me.

"Oh, Optimus. You are so naïve. You did everything physically and mental possible. I do not blame you for anything. Bumblebee does not blame you. All of this would have happened with or without you." I laid my hand on his shoulder "Plus, how long do you think that old rust bucket of a weapon specialist would have made it anyways? He was old, Optimus. He was long pasted his time. You saved him one too many times actually. You kept him alive longer then he should have been. And for that, I thank you. On behalf of Bumblebee and myself." Optimus shook his head at me.

"Ratchet, please…." I smacked him upside the head and he looked at me, with unsure eyes.

"Ah, come on. You of all Autobots know how important it is to let things go."

"But Ratchet, this was your bonded and Bumblebee's father."

"Yes, he was. And he was one hell of a father to Bumblebee, was he not?" I smiled.

"Yes, he was. Bumblebee learned a great deal from him" Optimus smiled, just a little.

"And he is still my spark mate and always will be" I put my hand over my chest. "I can still feel him, in here" I nodded. "He never really left. You should know, Ironhide isn't easy to get rid of"

"I am glad you can look at this in a positive way." Optimus stood.

"Years of practice" I sighed.

"I only wish you could laugh it off like you can" Optimus looked down at me. I shook my head and stood, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Like I said, Optimus, years of practice. You may not think so, but you are still very young and have a lot of life left in you. True, this war as forced you to grow up and mature faster. But if I recall correctly, you are no older then Bumblebee" I pointed out.

"Ratchet, I have not thought about my age in….Primus knows how long." Optimus chuckled

"My point is that you still have a lot to see and do. You still have a lot, and I mean A LOT to learn about."

"I understand" Optimus turned to leave the Bay. I turned back to my deck and flipped through the files.

But before Optimus shut the hanger door behind him, I turned around and yelled "Wait" He stopped and looked over at me.

"Yes, Ratchet?" He asked.

"This whole thing has me thinking about something" I looked down at the ground.

"Yes?" Optimus waited.

"I am not going to be around forever. After all, as of now, I am the oldest Autobot left." I looked up at Optimus and laughed "Hell fire, I'm older then Ironhide"

"Ratchet…." Optimus shook his head.

"Ah ah, let me finish" I cut him off. He sighed but nodded.

"I want you to take care of Bumblebee for me, Optimus. I know he is not a sparkling anymore, but he needs someone. Someone he can always come to and rely on. Someone like a Prime"

"Ratchet, I have been with Bumblebee since the day he was sparked. Besides you, I am the only one who truly knows him. I will always be there for him. No matter what. That I can promise you."

"I'm going to hold you to it" I grinned. Optimus nodded and closed the door, leaving me alone in my Med-Bay.

I sat down at my desk and sighed. The hurt was starting to sink in. I started to realize that Ironhide would never sleep in our berth again. He would not bug me while I worked. No more guns going off randomly. No more cuddling or interfacing with the love of my spark.

But none of the compared to the pain I felt for my son….my Bumblebee. His father was not going to be around to help him. He was going to have to stand on his own. Of course I would be around, but I was not Ironhide. No one could replace him.

I can honestly say that I had never been scared. I had never felt the need to feel that emotion. After all, I had been fighting since I was young. I have seen my mate, my friends, and my brothers fall to the hands of the Decepticons. You could say that I have grown immune to pain and fear. Truth be told I did not think anything would bother me or upset me ever again.

But that would be a lie….

I felt in my spark that things would change from now on. I was no longer numb. I felt pain and sadness, not just for me but also for my charge. Pain never felt so painful, and sadness had never been so sad. I wished I was numb…..


End file.
